Browse Articles ? Why Did My Husband Cheat On Me And Will I ...

Question:

My husband had an affair and now he?s trying to tell me that he?s not sure how or why it happened. He?s telling me that it might have happened because he didn?t feel I was looking after his needs in our relationship and that he wanted to add some excitement into his life. And he keeps implying that he was just going through a rough patch in his life. He?s also telling me that since he doesn?t really understand why the affair happened that it?s impossible and unrealistic for him to come up with a list of reasons why he cheated to begin with. And he also says that by continually bringing this up with him every day that it?s frustrating and makes him feel very discouraged. He wants me to just drop everything instead of trying to get answers from him. Should I just let it go? Do I really need to know why he cheated?

Answer:

It?s normal for wives to want to understand why their husband cheated on them. However, sometimes no matter how many times their husband goes over the details, they still don?t understand it. And on the same note for your husband, he can be reluctant to discuss the affair because he himself might not totally understand why or how it happened and there is going to be times during your discussion where he wants you to just let it go. I understand why you?re struggling to understand something that might not have a satisfactory answer and why you?re also wondering if you should just give up and move on.

These are really tough questions to answer but I will discuss my opinion with you below:

Why You Need To Understand Why He Cheated:

I really think it?s possible that your husband is telling you the truth as far as why he?s not sure why he had the affair. One of the contributing factors to men and their affairs is that they could simply be running away from their ?perceived? problems. So the very fact that he?s avoiding them so aggressively could be a contributing factor to him not being able to give you a list of those same problems right now.

Now is this a valid reason for you to let it go? I don?t think so. Even though he may not fully understand why he cheated, this doesn?t negate your need to understand why. And I can give you some common reasons that men give for cheating or having an affair. Many will tell you that although they didn?t intend to cheat or have an affair, they found themselves engaging with someone else because they got caught up in feeling appreciated, exploring something new, or enhancing the excitement in their life. This doesn?t mean that any of this was your fault. It could mean that, for whatever reason, they weren?t reaching out to you at the time and someone else was in the right place at precisely the right time.

Often times, men have affairs when they feel like they?re lacking something or not measuring up. So when someone else pays attention to them and makes them feel valued in some way this makes them feel good and it validates their feelings. In other cases, men that cheat are reacting to a personal loss of some kind. Maybe they?ve lost a dear family member or friend or maybe they?ve struggled with a life threatening illness. In any event, this can often be a ?life is too short? wakeup call for them and so they act on their impulses.

Now these particular reasons might not be pertinent in your case. I?m merely looking to provide you with a few ideas to brainstorm over that you can investigate in the future. The eventual objective for you here is to discover, comprehend and then deal with any and all problems that may have resulted in the affair. Because if there are any uncertainties moving forward from this point, they will bring any progress you?ve made to a screeching hault and destroy your marriage quicker than everything else. Dealing with an affair is hard enough, and so its very important that you discover as much as you can to make sure that you aren?t walking around on eggshells worrying that you?ll make the same mistakes again or that your husband is going to go out and cheat on you just as before.

You May Understand Why It Happened, But You Might Never Understand His Motives And Thought Process

At this juncture,, it?s important that you affair proof your marriage and know what lead up to his affair. However I also think it?s impractical and extremely difficult to put yourself in your husband?s shoes and completely know what he did and why he did it. And the major reason you cannot do this is because you?re the one directly impacted by his actions. And for that reason it?s extremely hard for you to be an unbiased observer in the circumstance. In addition to that, quite often as victims, we come from a place where we?re thinking things like: ?I don?t care how horrible things were in my marriage, I would have never cheated.? It?s just human nature and there is nothing wrong with this. Lastly, there are two sides to every coin. Even though your husband saw the marriage through one lens, it?s safe to say that you see it through another.

I can?t emphasize enough the importance of looking deep to discover why your husband cheated and then correct those things that led to the affair, I also know that it?s almost impossible to be aware of every last angle of someone else?s thought processes or behavior. So, when you?ve done your very best to learn and then resolve the issues, try not to look back too often into the past because it could do more damage while trying to move your marriage forward after the affair.

Share on Facebook

Source: http://browsearticles.org/relationships/why-did-my-husband-cheat-on-me-and-will-i-ever-really-know/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=why-did-my-husband-cheat-on-me-and-will-i-ever-really-know

hanley ramirez blago mumia abu jamal mumia abu jamal pearl harbor alec baldwin alec baldwin